It’s interesting running into friends you only seen a couple times per quarter - you’re almost forced to bring up things that you have pushed to the back of your mind (for your own sanity) in necessary “catch-ups.”
Yesterday I had a spontaneous pub/fashion-island/thrifty’s adventure with my friend Chris whom I hadn’t seen since the beginning of this quarter - back when I was giving it a try with a male 8 years my senior. Chris asked how our date went and a huge rush of everything came back. I had eliminated Paul from my radar for about 2 weeks at that point and now I couldn’t stop thinking about him, our date, and the repercussions. So I gave Chris a vague “Yeah it was a great date, but we’re not talking anymore.. I don’t know, a really good date, but we’re at completely different places in our lives - so yeah, happy I didn’t get to into it before he goes off to the army in September.”
“Wait, you didn’t tell me he was going into the army…”
(Well no shit. I was putting him on my “I like you a lot” pedal-stall where I don’t mention any thing that would remotely prove that someone wasn’t compatible with me)
“Some sort of life adventure thing he has going on..”
“Have you blogged about it yet?”
And the answer was no - I really only blog about things I want to solidify - make real, admit that they happened. I mean, my sister reads my blog so if I blogged about every blurry moment or instance I want to forget ever happened I’d be in a guilty dog house indefinitely. But I think I should solidify my 15 minutes of whatever it all was with Paul.
Met 2 months ago in Fullerton - some bar, I was a little drunk. Had a great night - lost my phone battery, lost him and yet somehow he ended up at my hotel room around 2 am. My friends and I were camping out at a classy motel for the night and he was down to hang out. Stayed up all night talking and realizing we worked. A week of getting to know each other passed and the following Saturday he drove down from his place about an hour north to take me out.
What happened on our date isn’t important, but more so how comfortable I was. I hadn’t been with a male in a long time and was beginning to doubt if there was anyone with a penis that I would ever like on this planet. And there he was - someone who could actually debate with me, had an opinion, held my hand, wanted to get a motorcycle license together.. you know, the good stuff. But as the night went on and we came to like each other more and more we mutually found out it all was nothing we expected going into the night and also that what we were feeling wasn’t convienant.
He’s 28. I’m 20. And he’s leaving. I’m sticking around (for now) - and that was enough reason for me to feel like I was never going to see him again when we kissed goodbye the following afternoon.
Our last hours together was a silent daze - we ate breakfast while watching a movie from his childhood on my couch. Comfortably laying together as if we had been together for years and I kinda figured that that was it. We had experienced an entire relationship in a week.
The meet. The chase. The getting to know each other phase. Honeymoon phase. Comfortableness. Then the realization that it wasn’t going to work.
And sure, we’ve talked since. He wants to see me, but we both don’t know if it’s a good idea. And I’m figuring it really isn’t. I’m convinced we would’ve been a power couple if we met 5 years from now, but we didn’t and it’s all over. Once I press “create post” I’ll have to accept that it’s (officially) real.
